(no subject)

[taerowyn]

I'm back in my "reverse Christmas" mode again. It hits every few months. Instead of "the sooner you go to bed, the sooner it will be Christmas," I follow the precept that the later I stay up, the further away work is. Makes me the walking dead in the morning and it's not like I do anything productive with the extra time. I don't work on my grad school essays, I don't work on any of my countless craft projects, I don't go to the gym, I just do nothing but read or veg out to movies.

I'm tired.

I'm tired of the in-betweenness of my life, the transitory nature that it's had for the past 5 1/2 years. I want to get to a place and BE there. None of this "well, I'm here now until ________ and then I'll go ______ and after that there's ______." I want "This is my job, this is my city, this is my apartment/house." I want a place to STAY for awhile, a place that's MINE. I want a job that's a career not just a means to an end. I just...I'm tired of it, you know?

Comments

[mezdeathhead.livejournal.com]

word.

sometimes i get scared, though, that it will always feel like i'm in one of those in between phases. that i won't know how to relax once i get "there."

[eeyorekdm.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean. Mom atributes that to my mood swings I have with her. :o)

[jadam.livejournal.com]

Funny... I recently posted about a similar dissatisfaction in my journal. More about those of us who can't seem to find a career that is completely satisfying, but I know what you mean by that tired feeling.

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

If, say, tomorrow you managed to get a job that was a career for you, in 5½ years you'd probably complain that you're stuck in a rut, and the career wasn't all it was cut up to be.

At least, that's what i said in my journal a few months ago.

Not that i'm trying to be a downer or nuthin'.

Re:

[taerowyn.livejournal.com]

I'd prefer 5 1/2 years to 5 1/2 weeks. Having a job that's only good point is that it's a paycheck gets old real fast.