(no subject)

[taerowyn]

I make it a rule not to comment on people's parenting styles...no matter how much I want to tell that stranger in the story that giving in to little Timmy's every whim isn't going to end the tantrum so much as guarantee many, many more in the years to come. Whatever.

Last night I came very close to having a word with a total stranger.

I was in a dressing room at a department store, just hearing the voices of a mother and, by the voice, singing and light-up flip-flops, I'd say 8 to 10 year old daughter.

The woman (apparently) looks in the mirror and starts crying (not just complaining, but crying) that "Brandi" dyed her hair wrong. It's the wrong blonde! It's too brassy. This segues into, "I'm fat and ugly and nobody will ever want me."

Her daughter says, "that's not true, Mom."

"It IS true, I'm hideous."

This continues off and on for the next five minutes back to the hair, how "Brandi" can't be trusted, "[other name] can fix it, Mom."

"No, she can't, I can't trust anyone!"

Finally winds down to the mom saying "Come on, Tubalard's ready to go."

"What, Mom?"

"You heard me, Tub-of-Lard, that's what I am. Tub-of-Lard is ready to go."

"Mom, that's not you!"



Oh!

My!

God!

I admit, I've had my moments of "ohmigod I'm hideous." Quite often in dressing rooms. I think you'd be hard pressed to find a woman who hasn't. No doubt even Angelina Jolie has had her moments of complete self-doubt and self-loathing, but I'm sorry...this is not something you should dump on your ten-year-old daughter! That's just...I don't know...emotional abuse?

It was basically a role reversal I suppose, instead of the teenage daughter full of self-doubt and insecurities and the mother supporting her, the daughter was being forced to step in and support the mom. And what kind of a complex is that little girl going to have around self-image and the like. Just gah! So uncomfortable being in that dressing room!

Comments

[2wanda.livejournal.com]

That's just...I don't know...emotional abuse?

I would tend to agree. God knows, I had my moments of self-loathing when my daughters were growing up, but I made a very strong effort to not share those feelings with my children, because I was pretty sure that my own lack of self-confidence had a lot to do with parents who were both overly critical of me, as well as themselves and others. Learning self-acceptance has so much to do with the level of acceptance you grow up with. I feel very sorry for that ten-year-old girl in the dressing room.

It's never a healthy thing when a parent puts their child in a position of role-reversal.

(I'm ronebofh's wife, btw.)

[taerowyn.livejournal.com]

Exactly! My mom has talked about stuff like this to me, but not til I was an adult myself so it was more on the level of equals. I just felt so bad for the girl.

[mmcirvin.livejournal.com]

It's free therapy! From an untrained, unlicensed, ten-year-old, completely captive involuntary practitioner, but, hey, you take what you can get.