(no subject)

I'm back in my "reverse Christmas" mode again. It hits every few months. Instead of "the sooner you go to bed, the sooner it will be Christmas," I follow the precept that the later I stay up, the further away work is. Makes me the walking dead in the morning and it's not like I do anything productive with the extra time. I don't work on my grad school essays, I don't work on any of my countless craft projects, I don't go to the gym, I just do nothing but read or veg out to movies.

I'm tired.

I'm tired of the in-betweenness of my life, the transitory nature that it's had for the past 5 1/2 years. I want to get to a place and BE there. None of this "well, I'm here now until ________ and then I'll go ______ and after that there's ______." I want "This is my job, this is my city, this is my apartment/house." I want a place to STAY for awhile, a place that's MINE. I want a job that's a career not just a means to an end. I just...I'm tired of it, you know?